An Illumination in the Shadows

Ano pa ang halaga ng apoy na ating siniklaban kung hindi natin pananatiliing buhay? Isang araw ay nagtipontipon tayong lima. At tila nakita natin ang kinabukasan sa kanya kanyang mata. Mayroon tayong panaginip na nais nating mapatotoo. At nangako tayong sama-sama nating tutuparin ito.

Pero anong saysay ng pangarap natin, kung di natin tatapusin? Anong silbi ng pagbuklodbuklod natin kung sa susunod ay maglalaho rin? Hindi ko ito kayang tapusing magisa. Ang nararapat ay tayong lima.

Madami na akong pinagdaanang pinalipas ko lamang. Ang teatro noong nasa unang baitang ng mataas na paaralan. Nagkamali sa pangalawang baitang. Hindi na nasundan pa.

Ang nobelang nais na matapos bago magdebut? Ano nang nangyari? Nabaon na sa limot at sa katakot-takot na papel para sa eskwelang wala namang damdaming na kaakibat.

Pagod na ako sa mga pangarap na hindi natutupad.

Ngayon, nagkaroon ako ng pagasang mayroon namang magawa upang maipamahagi ang mga nilalaman ng aking pagiisip sa mga tao... nagkaroon ako ng pagasa sapagka't di tulad ng iba'y may mga kasama akong iisa rin ang mithi. At sabay-sabay natin itong aabutin.

Kay lakas ng loob ko noon...nanghihina na ngayon. Ayokong kantahin ang mga damdamin ko ng magisa. Kayong lima, nasaan na?

Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins and York Peppermint Batty Candies. they're totally going to make me fatter, but I can't resist it. I'm in the middle of Hell Week I need all the happy food I can get. Greedy much?

Our Pop bought me and my brother a chord for the electric guitar that we just bought from our blockmate. It's neon green. I was opting for the regular, black, short, not to mention cheap one, but it was out of stock. We bought it anyway, besides, we're going to use it for a long time anyway so 400 bucks won't be a waste, right? And it's neon green. 'Nuff said. Haha~

And though I'm helping to pay for it, I'm guessing it's really going to be more to my brother's advantage since I'm not good at playing. Oh well. Learning is a gradual process, everybody starts from scratch, right?

I had no sleep yesterday over an English reflection paper which I am to find out eventually was not due today! ::grrrr:: On the lighter side of black, those who did submit typewritten today will have plus points, and a free cut. ^^ And that's what I had, accidentally.

On the more serious side of things, which I can't avoid, which I wanted to do for 19 years, another fight. Argh~ My grand Dad and Pop were having a temperamental discourse...and of all things, money again. I'd trade a million pesos if I had it only for everything to be alright. Unfortunately, I don't even have a hundred, even if I did, there are some things money really can'y buy. Like peace. Like wisdom. I'd rather they not hurt each other for money. Money is a temporary thing. Some simple things are more valuable.

I feel weak. Whatever the trouble was in the past. My secret trauma. I hope it never repeats itself again.

More worries. Grandma is sick with allergies(?) I'm not sure what it is. -_-; I wish she would listen to us and have it checked in the hospital. I'm really worried.

Physics Long Test Tomorrow. And Fil. I hate this feeling of giving up, but I am. I can't do anything to lift my grades anymore, so what's the use? Poor complacent me...oh well, I'll just continue munching on these chocolates.

I'm sick dammit.

...and on the most stressing part of my college Freshman life when need my health, too.